There and Back Again: The Hobbit (2003)

This one's just for me :)

I’m sure many of you are familiar with J.R.R Tolkien’s The Hobbit (1937). It’s one of the most famous pieces of children’s literature out there, and for good reason. Jirt (as he was informally referred to by friends) wrote this novel close on a century ago, and to this day it remains a staple of the fantasy genre, well-loved for its charming prose, fun and amusing characters and epic narrative. It also has some excellent songs.

For me, like many others, it holds a special significance. My dad read it to me when I was very small, and I have also listened to the audiobook a thousand times over. My preference on the latter is the one narrated by Rob Inglis, whose versions of the songs I still sing on occasion, especially when walking alone in the woods.

However, this post is not about the novel, or even the audiobook. It definitely isn’t about the films, either. No. This article, my dear readers, is about the 2003 videogame by Inevitable Entertainment.

Yep, I know. Not horror, not horror-adjacent, and frankly a bizarre choice of topic. I just have a lot of love for this game, and I think it should be talked about more.

When it comes down to it, it’s not got the finest gameplay in the world. But, as the credits of The Big Knights (1999) say, it’s the most enthusiastic!

Sorry, that reference was absolutely shoehorned in. My siblings will no doubt get a chuckle out of it, though.

Really what I mean to say is, the game has a lot going for it. While it is fairly simple, in that you run, jump, collect items, solve the same puzzle over and over again, and smash hordes of enemies into dust with a stick or a sword or a dozen stones, I feel that The Hobbit (2003) has a lot of depth to it.

For one thing, the music. It’s cleverly done, linking motífs to characters, combat, deaths, bonuses, boons and cutscenes. It encapsulates thoroughly the feel of each location you go to, from the impressive mountain halls of the dwarves, to the winding corridors of the elvenking’s palace. I have heard the death music more times than I care to count, and it is gratingly frustrating, but undeniably appropriate.

Another thing to appreciate is the variety of enemies you face. Wolves, goblins, carnivorous plants, huge hulking trolls, some horrid thing my family christened ‘frog-dogs’ and even the undead. One never tires of spinning Sting around like a madman, smashing heads in with a stout stick, and freezing villains in place with an icy stone. But one thing stands out above all. The spiders. This is NOT a game for arachnophobes (skip this next little rant if you number among these). There are poisonous spiders, twitchy and quick as anything. There are big old brown spiders, thrice Bilbo’s size or bigger. Then there are the monstrous black spiders, with a hide like leather. And finally, worst of all, there are three Gigantic Spider-Queens. There is a long section of the game that you spend slicing through webs, unsure if you’re going to be plunged into a spindly nightmare of legs and eyes. It’s scary stuff.

Another thing I appreciate about the game is the additions to the story. Having Bilbo collect food for the questing party before they set off is an obvious way to pad time, but it also feels very true to the feel of Hobbiton. Doing favours for people for sausages, cakes, and all manner of other foodstuffs. Even pinching some berries, and playing hide and seek with children. It’s all very light and pleasant introductory stuff.

There’s also some new characters. A beautiful she-elf, who you save from a clammy cave, and later meet in her forest home. A dwarf, brazen and bold, who single-handedly kills a score of goblins when you free him from their grasp. They exist to give you more to do, but they feel like they’d fit in the narrative. Helping people is all Bilbo does in the book. He is constantly getting his friends out of scrapes - why not extend that to strangers?

I think, too, that the simplicity of the puzzles is underrated. Mostly based on quick reaction-times, or moving things around until they line up nicely, but it doesn’t really get old. You seldom feel really stuck.

There are, however, some wild difficulty spikes. After the 400th time you’ve drowned in 1cm of water because Bilbo is about the height of a toddler you do start to wonder if you’re still having fun. The same is true of some of the bosses. Sneaking, mashing the attack button, and timing things right are a huge part of the game, like many others before and after, and it can become quite draining after long sessions. I think that the variety of locations, music, friends and enemies make up for this though. Sure, you’re doing the same task over and over reskinned as an ever-so-slightly different one, but it’s still good fun!

The cutscenes are charming in their own way. They don’t look excellent, but the voice acting is memorable enough (a vaguely Scottish ‘HULLO BILBO!’ became a common phrase in my house) and everyone looks the part. You can distinguish the dwarves from one another, and Bilbo’s huge baby blues and bright orange hair is peak.

Smaug ‘the impenetrable’ is spectacular. He feels like a genuine threat, but achieves that villainous charm that he carries in the novel with ease. His bed of gold and jewels is spectacular, and trying not to let it clink and clank as you weave your way towards him is EXTREMELY nerve-wracking.

Speaking of nerve-wracking, the Ring is interesting in this game. Its famous invisibility only lasts for a short amount of time, and for the entirety of the mission after you’ve got your hands on it it is completely useless. Spiders don’t need to see you to know you are there.

Also interesting is the inclusion of the Necromancer. He is mentioned in the novel, but we never see him. In this game, Bilbo fights Sauron (probably) hand to hand, grappling against the dead in a vicious fight to survive. Wild! Zombies in The Hobbit? More likely than you’d think.

Anyway, overall, this game is a total classic, and one I’ve played a dozen times over. Also, it’s got some fascinating speedrunning tactics. It can be completed in around ten minutes flat, if you’ve got it in you.

As ever, thanks for reading,

Until next time,

H.E.

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