BBC Ghost Stories For Christmas #5 - The Treasure of Abbot Thomas (1974)

‘It is a thing of slime, I think’.

Total Score: 12/23.

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Blimey, it has been a while. Currently dusting off my keyboard like I’m opening a cursed tome or examining an ancient artefact. This is hopefully going to be a week of churning out BBC Ghost Story reviews for you all!

Next on the list, it’s The Treasure of Abbot Thomas (1974), starring Michael Bryant as the Reverend Justin Somerton. Bryant is also in another M.R James adaptation, The Stone Tape (1972), of which I’ve seen a small bit.

The eponymous Abbot Thomas is long dead in this story. He was an alchemist who hid treasure on the grounds of his church, presumably leaving clues behind so he could return to it. In the original story, this all takes place in Germany, but TTOAT was filmed at Well’s Cathedral in Somerset. This is another Lawrence Gordon Clark film, by the way.

We open on choral voices. Geoffrey Burgeon, of Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (1979) created the score for this, and it’s very atmospheric.

Our protagonist, Somerton, is a tutor to a young man, Peter Dattering (who, I believe, is a Lord).

They have a lot of chat, clergy chat, and then discuss a Latin translation, which turns out to be about the secret treasure. Now we’re interested. Abbot Thomas was purportedly ‘carried off by the devil’, which you think would be offputting to our prospective treasure hunters, but fails to be.

Somerton also shares that ‘The gold of Abbot Thomas, if it ever existed, is likely to be very base coin by now’. Sure…

At Peter’s house they have the world’s most dull chat, where the words ‘slab cake’ come up about a thousand times. It’s beginning to get a little painful when we learn Somerton is not a local, and that these people have a daily séance. Standard fare when you’re posh, I guess. Apparently these séances often have birdsong ringing out, which sounds lovely. Sign me up.

So, they crack on with the spooky activity. It looks to be ventriloquism, but Peter is hearing sinister Latin chanting in his head. Presumably this is his preoccupied mind thinking about the treasure clues. Somerton is a killjoy though and tests the spirit that turns up with Norman French and Latin - which, as a purportedly old-timey priest, it should know. It does not, and the séance is proved as fraud. Nobody’s thrilled, especially the two fakers, who leave in shame.

Peter and Somerton wander off to Graverly Church to investigate some clues. First, they photo a stained-glass window, reading hidden codes in the glass. Somerton proves to be quite charming, and Peter slightly annoying, though spirited. The pair discover a blemish on the photograph, which they remark resembles a grotesque. They ascend the church tower to check this hypothesis out. Ominous drums and whistles blast as they stumble dizzyingly up the spiral stairs. Somerton’s POV is nauseating, and you really feel his discomfort. It’s cleverly done.

There is a brief shot of a hooded monk who we saw earlier when they were discussing the translation. He is grim and silent and faceless as ever. Somerton, meanwhile, has a panic, fearing something came at him. We see absolutely fuck all to suggest this, but you know, it is a ghost story.

The two men figure there is a culvert that might be the treasure’s hiding spot. There is an interesting sequence in which Somerton shares his opinion that he really cannot be viewed as a treasure hunter, and that this is all frustrating. It’s obvious he is worried about his reputation, and really quite keen to get it all over with. He and Peter chisel at the window and discover hidden writing: EDMOOMSBIB.

Helpful stuff.

They work on the code for hours, as all the while knocking and other percussive noises like drops of water play. It’s very unsettling, though clearly non-diegetic. Eventually Somerton figures it all out. The treasure is 2000 pieces of gold, ten or twenty thousand pounds. There’s also a ‘guardian over the treasure’, who I’m sure won’t do anything drastic.

Creepy slug.

In the night, Somerton enters the culvert. He breaks in by force as choral singing rings out, again, non-diegetically. Soon the fellow is deep in water, and the music has really ramped up. The man mutters as something advances on him, something that mutters and whispers and sees dulled colours like a dog. Somerton finds and removes the stone he was searching for, and then some horrid gurgling tar-thing is upon him! In the reflection of the water below him Abbot Thomas cackles cruelly. Tar spills from the gap in the stones. Somerton fucking pelts away, face coated in slime. He slams his bedroom door shut and gasps for air, but the horrible melting monstrosity slides under the door, evil black slime.

Peter shares that Somerton has become a shut-away. Two whole days. The maid has seen the slime (‘like a snail’s’, she shares), and smelt a nasty mouldy smell. Apparently the slime has returned more than once after being cleaned up.

After some fairly blunt yells, Peter is let into the room. Somerton, who is in shambles, helpfully shares this gem of wisdom:

‘It is a thing of slime, I think’.

He also lets us know the thing (of slime) or things (of slime) always leave his door at dawn. More significantly, the treasure is nothing but bronze and other worthless metal. The Reverend insists it be returned. He is a state, and you honestly kinda feel for the poor bloke. When Peter shares his reasonable lack of enthusiasm for this task, his mentor repeats endlessly that ‘you’ll be safe by day’. That the thing will approve of the action. Peter is forced to agree and he does the deed.

Later, everyone’s out and about. Somerton is in a wheelchair, and looks fucking stressed. Luckily, a doctor is on the way - we see the man plodding down the road. Somerton says, ‘I hope it may be he’, which is chilling and horrible, and then is left alone to meet the medical man. Looking closer at his new companion, he sees it is in fact that dreadful monk. It gets very close, reaching out for Somerton, and we have a brief and monstrous flashback.

TAR THING!!!!!!!!!!!! (Of slime)

Then, an instant cut to the credits. Super effective, and one of my favourite scares from this series. God only knows what fate befell the amateur treasure hunter, but it can’t have been good. What on Earth was that thing? Funnily enough, it isn’t quite as scary as I remember, but it did give me a good shock on my first watch.

The original story actually follows Somerton and his valet, but both survive. The main elements that carry over are the general narrative, the laughing ghost and the mouldy smell.

As a final note, this is another shorter film, around half an hour. It’s mostly focused on atmosphere, and is a strong adaptation of M.R James - dry, dusty, but still sinister and strange. It might not be the spookiest, but it’s a nice fun watch, and a solid ghost story. One to watch sleepy or slightly tipsy, perhaps.

Anyway, as ever, thanks for reading,

Until next time,

H.E.

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